To Remove Mom From My Life — What’s Hidden Behind These Thoughtless Words

This story is about the importance of our intentions or rather how it is important to formulate our intentions properly.

…I conducted a lecture that day. The room could hold up to 200 people, and the audience was rather special, consisting of principals, teachers, and educators. We talked about topics related to the psychology of interaction and communication. The lecture went at a good pace and kept the audience quite lively. The listeners actively participated in discussion and asked a lot of tricky questions. By the end, when I managed to build a strong connection with the audience and when “we began to understand each other perfectly,“ the questions began to get more personal.

”How do I deal with my mother?“ someone sitting in the first row asked.

The woman talking was obviously nervous. When I asked her to clarify the situation, she emotionally told us that her mother had always kept a tight rein on her, making her suffer a lot. “My mom has always had a lot of rules, and she has always known what’s best for me,” the woman continued. ”She deprived me of the right to have my own opinion and chewed me out every time I did something wrong.“ It was only recently that her mother seemed to change her attitude to her daughter, switching her attention to her granddaughter. But now, the story is repeating itself:

”I watch my mom forcing my daughter to eat, do her homework, wear warm tights, and I just freeze. I feel as if I’m in a bind again. I want to protect my daughter from this. I lectured my mom many times. She resents me for it but keeps doing the same.“

“What do you mean by ’lectured’?” I asked.

“Well, I talked to her many times, not hiding my emotions, of course. When I was especially angry, I said, ’Mom, stop it! We’ll figure this out without your help. She’s old enough to sort things out.’ I often wanted to say, ’Mom, I’m fed up with your instructions. You made me suffer. And now you want to do the same to my daughter, don’t you?’ That’s what I said or rather shouted sometimes. Mom slammed the door and refused to visit us for several days. Then somehow we forgot about our argument, but the same situation repeated again and again…”

© 20th Century Fox

“And what is your question?“

”We are talking about communication here. We are talking about how to convey our feelings and thoughts without hurting ourselves or others. I’m trying to find the answer, but I can’t.“

“And what about your question?”

”My question is: How can I tell her to stop pressing my family? How can I convey to my mom that we don’t need such help from her? How can I protect my daughter from her? And, finally, how can I do all this without hurting her feelings?“

There was something in her words that made me utter, ”Say it differently.“ The woman seemed confused.

“You don’t need that kind of help from her, right? But what do you really need?” I said, trying to give her a hint. “You don’t want to offend your mom. But what do you want? What is your intention? What is your goal?“

”Goal? To remove Mom from my daughter’s and my life…”

These words gave me chills. I pretended that I hadn’t heard her say that. So I came closer to the woman and asked her to repeat.

“I want to remove Mom from my life,” she uttered each word separately and loudly.

I leaned even closer to her.

”Do you hear yourself right now?“ I interrupted her and repeated in a low voice:

”To remove. Mom. From life. Is it really your goal?”

The room got so quiet, as if no one was there.

© 20th Century Fox

She was obviously worried. Suddenly she understood what was hidden behind her words. After all, whatever she says, whatever words she uses, if she formulates her intentions in such a way then her attitude will be evident in her words, intonations, and gestures.

“What a shame! That is not what I meant at all.“

”But as long as you formulate your intentions in such a way, everything you say will work for your goal. Start from your goal. The right words will come themselves.“

“I don’t want my mom… Oh! I want my mom… Oh! It’s important for me that my daughter… No, it’s important for me that I…”

She paused. The room was still silent.

”You know,“ she continued after a short pause, ”I’ve just realized that my mom’s strictness hardened me so much that I can take care of me and my daughter myself. How can I convey this to my mom?“

Her intonation changed, and her look became softer.

“So your goal is…” I insisted.

“I want to tell my mom that I appreciate everything she’s done for me. Thanks to her, I’m sure that I can become a loving and caring mom myself. I want to reassure her that I’ll be fine. I will definitely share with my daughter everything I’ve learned from her, from my strong and loving mom.”

© 20th Century Fox

Of course, she started to cry. As she was finishing her speech, her voice shook. She understood everything. It was like a divine illumination. Enlightenment.

It was a gift!

Such stories sometimes happen in our lives, and they are definitely worth sharing.

Source It’s interesting to live!