The Whole Truth About Men

December 30, 2016

More often than not, men tend to say things like, “I am so busy these days. I recently went through a serious relationship breakup which has shaken me to the core. My parents’ divorce has left an indelible mark on my soul and brought a whole lot of unexpected trouble. I need to focus on my career right now.“ It is easier for them to jump out of the window than to say, ”You’re not the right person for me.” So stop making excuses for your man. His actions speak for themselves: he simply doesn’t like you.

So think Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, authors of a book called He’s Just Not That Into You. In their book, they present a list of excuses that all happiness-seeking women should avoid making for their boyfriends. The staff of LikeAble sure found it a compelling read!

1. If he doesn’t invite you out on a date, he’s probably not into you that much.
Because if he really likes you, he’ll ask you out as soon as possible.

© Warner Bros. Pictures

Excuse: “Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin our friendship.“ We hate to tell you this, but such an excuse does not hold water. And, please, don’t tell us that he’s just ”afraid.” The only thing he is afraid of is to admit that you simply don’t attract him.
Excuse: “I guess he isn’t confident enough to make the first move.” You can give your man hints aimed at making him realize you like him. But we advise against trying to actively provoke him into asking you out on a date. Giving him a smile and a playful wink would be sufficient.
Excuse: “Maybe he doesn’t want to rush things.” If a man really likes you, but there are some deeply personal reasons why he doesn’t want to act too quickly, he will immediately tell you about them. He won’t leave you in the dark, as he’ll need to be certain that you won’t feel disappointed and decide to disappear from his life.
Excuse: “But he gave me his phone number.” Don’t let a man use cheap tricks to prompt you to make the first move. If he is really interested in you, he will take the trouble to set up the first date himself.
Excuse: “Maybe he forgot about me.” Relax. You’ve already made an impression on him. Now leave it at that. If the impression is a favorable one, not even a tsunami, a flood, or his favorite team losing an important game will make him forget about you.

Remember:

Any kind of excuse essentially means that a man doesn’t find you interesting enough. Men don’t have thoughts like, “Our romance can ruin our friendship.“
Don’t fall for his tricks, and don’t invite him out on a date. If he likes you, he’ll invite you himself.
If you have the means to contact him, so does he. Try to keep this in mind: if a man wants to find you, he will.
Phrases like, ”Hey, let’s meet at so-and-so’s party/some bar/a friend’s house!” don’t belong to the proper date invitation category.
You are definitely good enough to be asked out.
2. He’s not really into you if he’s not calling you.
Men know how to use the phone.

© mysenses

Excuse: “But he has to travel a lot.” Take a note: if a man really finds you attractive, he’ll want to spend time with you.
Excuse: “But he has a lot of other things on his mind.” The main question here should be: Is it normal if a man forgets to call me? Our answer to you is: No, he should never miss the chance to get in touch. Don’t you want to meet a guy who’ll forget about everything else in his life before he forgets about you?
Excuse: “He just says things he doesn’t really mean.” The gist of the problem is that most men prefer to say what they think you want to hear at the end of a date or phone call, rather than nothing at all. But if a guy you’re dating doesn’t call you despite all his promises, is he really worth your attention? You should be looking for a man who’s at least as good as his word.
Excuse: “But he’s really busy.“ The word ”busy” is a load of nonsense and is most often used by jackasses. With one salvo, it can destroy the best of relationships. An excessive workload may seem like a plausible excuse, but scratch at the surface and you’ll find a man who doesn’t care enough to call.

Remember:

If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.
If he makes promises and then doesn’t even follow through on the smallest of things, be careful: he will do the same in more important circumstances.
You shouldn’t build a relationship with someone who’s incapable of staying true to his word.
If he’s unwilling to make the slightest of efforts to put you at ease and smooth out potential conflicts in the relationship, then he simply doesn’t respect your feelings and needs.
You deserve that goddamn phone call.
3. He’s not that into you if he doesn’t take his dates with you seriously.
“Hanging out together” is not dating.

© BBC Films

Excuse: “He’s just suffered a painful relationship breakup.“ Beware of the word ”friend.” It is often used by men (or by women who love those men) as an excuse for all kinds of obnoxious behavior.
Excuse: “But we are really dating.” Men, just like women, want to feel emotionally protected when a relationship becomes serious. One of the common ways to achieve that is to lay claim to the object of one’s affection. A man who’s really into you is going to want you all to himself. And what’s wrong with that?
Excuse: “It’s better than nothing.” Let us remind you: you need a man who’ll want you, who’ll call you regularly, who’ll make you feel like the sexiest and most-desired woman in the world. The kind of relationship where you’re meeting with a guy once every two weeks, or once a month, and feeling precious little love and affection from him may help you get through the day or the week or the month, but will it get you through a lifetime?

Remember:

Men tell you about their feelings even if you refuse to listen or believe them. “I’m not ready for serious relationships“ really means ”I’m not ready for a serious relationship with you.“
“Better than nothing” shouldn’t be good enough for you.
If you can’t understand where the relationship is going, it’s okay to pull over and ask him a few questions.
There’s a guy out there who will want to shout from the rooftops that he is your boyfriend. Quit goofing around — go and find him.
4. He’s not that into you if he doesn’t want to have sex with you.

When a man likes a woman, he wants to touch her. Always.

© Universal Pictures

Dear ladies,
You have already met, and are going to meet, lots of men in your life. We hate to tell you this, but some of these men will simply not feel attracted to you. And none of these men will ever tell you that in plain language. But the truth is simple, brutal, and clear as day: he’s not attracted to you but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings.

Excuse: “He’s afraid to get hurt again.” Is he afraid? Yes, he’s afraid of hurting your feelings. That’s why he hasn’t clarified the relationship. He loves you as a friend. If he were in love with you, he wouldn’t be able to help himself from starting a torrid romantic relationship with you, regardless of his past experiences.
Excuse: “He’s so mad about me that he chooses not to show any interest.” Sure, many people have been hurt in the past and now have a fear of serious relationships and intimacy. But guess what? If a man is really in love, nothing will stop him from being with you. If there’s some serious problem, he may resort to having some pointless therapy sessions. But he’ll never keep you in the dark about it.
Excuse: “But it still feels so good.” The old-fashioned idea is that women withhold sex when they want power. It seems that men nowadays have learned to play this game as well. If a guy is happy lying around on the sofa with you, eating cookies and watching movies, then he’s just not that into you.
Excuse: “He’s always got plausible explanations.” You can believe his excuses if you want, but you have to ask yourself a couple of questions first: Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in? And, most importantly, is this how you want to feel for the rest of your life? To put it simply — sex is one of the greatest joys available to us in life.

Remember:

People tell you who they really are all the time. When a man says to you that monogamy is not his thing, there are no reasons not to believe him.
Companionship is a wonderful thing, but companionship with sex is even better. Call a spade a spade or, more fittingly, a friend a friend. And go find yourself a guy who won’t be able to keep his hands off you.
Your lost self-esteem may take longer to find than a new boyfriend, so prioritize accordingly.
5. He’s not that into you if he sleeps with another woman.

There are no acceptable excuses for cheating.

© Muse Entertainment Enterprises

Excuse: “He’s got no excuse, and he knows it.” Cheating is bad. Not knowing why you cheated is even worse. If one red flag isn’t enough for you, how about two? Don’t date men who don’t know why they do things.
Excuse: “But I’ve gotten fat lately.” We definitely think you should lose 175 pounds — in the form of your loser boyfriend, not the 20 pounds that you’re fretting about. Get rid of this guy, or we’re going to come to your house to get rid of him for you.
Excuse: “He needs more sex than I do.” There is no excuse for his bed-hopping. Period. One could name so many ways of dealing with this rather common problem which stems from the difference of sex drives within a relationship.
Excuse: “But at least he knew her.” It doesn’t really matter whether he still loves you or not. He’s given you a pretty clear sign of how he feels about your relationship. You can’t blame a guy for still having feelings for his ex. But having feelings doesn’t mean he had to act in such a way. What he actually did was take steps to end up alone with another woman, undress her, kiss her, and do everything else that adult people do in such situations.

Remember:

There’s no excuse for cheating. Let us repeat that. There’s no excuse for cheating. Now you say it. There is no excuse for cheating!
Your only responsibility in someone else’s lapse in judgment is to yourself.
Cheating is cheating. And it doesn’t matter whom it was with or how many times it occurred.
Cheaters never have fulfilling lives. (Because they’re all miserable gits.)
First and foremost, a cheating boyfriend cheats himself — because he doesn’t get to enjoy a proper relationship with you.
6. He isn’t really into you if he only wants to see you when he’s drunk.

If he likes you, he’ll want to see you when his judgment isn’t impaired by alcohol.

© Warner Bros. Pictures

Excuse: “But I like him this way.“ If, sitting in a bar, you melt every time he says, ”I love you so much! You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, babe!” and slings his arm around you a little too hard, then there’s something you ought to have been told long ago. Namely, you can’t believe everything a guy says when he’s drunk. Is this really your idea of a boyfriend?
Excuse: “At least he doesn’t drink hard stuff.” Don’t be fooled. Don’t let the guy who’s not falling down drunk and peeing in his pants get away with the fact that he is quietly, more subtly, bombed out of his mind every single time he’s with you.

Remember:

His words aren’t worth anything unless he says them when he’s sober. An “I love you” (or any variation thereof) uttered under the influence of anything stronger than grape juice won’t hold up in court — or in life.
Drinking and drug use are not a path to one’s innermost feelings.
You deserve to be with a guy who doesn’t have to get loaded to feel happy in your company.
7. He’s just not that into you if he doesn’t want to marry you.

Every man you have ever dated who has said he doesn’t want to get married, doesn’t believe in marriage, or has “issues” with marriage will, rest assured, tie the knot someday. Just not with you.

© Warner Bros. Pictures

Remember:

“He doesn’t want to get married“ and ”He doesn’t want to get married to me” are very different things. Be sure about which category your boyfriend belongs to.
If you have different views about marriage, what else are you not on the same page about? You’d better find out as soon as possible.
If you don’t feel like you’re rushing, why are you waiting?
There’s a man out there who’ll want to marry you right away.
8. He’s just not into you if he’s breaking up with you.

© Warner Bros. Television

Excuse: “But he still misses me.” Don’t be flattered by the fact that he misses you. He should miss you. You’re such a wonderfully unique person. However, he’s still the same guy who just broke up with you.
Excuse: “But this decision has simplified things.” Here’s one thing a guy will never do if he really can’t live without you: break up with you.
Excuse: “But we’re still really close.” Yes, breakup sex does seem like a good idea because it’s nice to share intimacy with someone you know. And it’s nice to have sex with someone you still have feelings about. But this won’t bring you back together.
Excuse: “But then he wants to get back together.“ Sadly, it all boils down to this: after you break up, the guy starts ”sniffing around” for something better. And when he doesn’t find it, he gets lonely and decides to come “home.” It’s not that he’s so into you. It’s that he’s so not into being alone.
Excuse: “But I do not accept our breakup.“ We’re sorry you got dumped. But your repeated efforts to get him to come back will only elicit the ”What did I ever see in that psychotic woman?” response. One simple rule, ladies: Always be classy, never be crazy.

Remember:

You won’t be able to talk your way out of a breakup. It is not up for discussion. A breakup is a definitive decision, not something you can go back on.
Breakup sex doesn’t mean your breakup isn’t final.
He doesn’t need to be reminded that you’re magnificent.
He can take care of his cat.
There’s a guy out there who’s going to be really happy that you didn’t get back together with your revolting ex-boyfriend.
9. He’s just not that into you if he’s disappeared.

Well, everything is profoundly obvious in this case. He’s made it clear that he’s so not into you that he couldn’t even bother to leave you a farewell note.

© Summit Entertainment

Excuse: “Maybe he’s dead.“ There’s nothing worse than waiting for an answer from someone you used to be close with and who then chose to disappear from your life. The only reason to ever write to him again is to give him the chance to say, ”It’s over, goodbye!” And don’t you remember? You’re far too busy and popular for that.
Excuse: “But can’t I at least yell at him one last time?!“ In the short term, it might feel good to get hold of your runaway ex-boyfriend’s phone number and yell at him. It may lessen the feeling that you’re letting him ”get away with something.” But, trust us, nothing you say is going to be news to him. And you’ve got much better things to do with your time.
Excuse: “But I just want an answer.” Do you deserve to know what really happened? Sure. But, fortunately for you, we can tell you what happened: you were dating the worst guy in the world.

Remember:

He might really be lying in the hospital with amnesia, but more likely he’s just not that into you.
The absence of an answer is your answer.
Don’t give him the opportunity to reject you all over again.
Let his mother yell at him. You’re too busy for that.
There’s no mystery to what happened: he’s simply gone away, and he wasn’t good enough for you in the first place.
10. He’s just not that into you if he’s married (plus any other insane variations of being unavailable).

If you’re not able to love freely, it’s not really love.

© Paramount Pictures

Remember:

He’s married.
Unless he’s all yours, he’s still hers.
There are lots of fantastic, loving, single men in the world. Find one of them to go out with.
You’re not easy to forget. If he still values you, let him make the first step toward bringing you back.
11. He’s not really into you if he behaves like an arrogant egoist, a boaster, or a total jerk.

If he truly loves you, he’ll do everything to make you happy.

© Warner Bros. Pictures

Excuse: “But he’s really trying to be better.” People who are in love with each other usually try to be nice. Some even get a kick out of treating their mate in a tender and considerate manner. If your boyfriend is really bad at it, the result is exactly the same as if he was just not that into you.
Excuse: “It’s just the way he was brought up.” He doesn’t have to love your music playlist. He doesn’t have to approve of all of your shoes. But any good mature guy simply has to make an attempt to love your friends and family.
Excuse: “It’s not always going to be like this.” A bad temper is not temporary. People who yell are people with anger issues who need help. But, all too often, they actually think they’re entitled to behave in such an insulting way. Don’t expect them to change.
Excuse: “It’s what happens behind closed doors that matters.” Why would you want to be with someone who insults you so that he can feel superior? And especially in front of your friends! Why should you care if he treats you better when you’re alone?
Excuse: “But he’s just trying to help me improve myself.” It’s hard to feel worthy of love when someone is going out of their way to make you feel inferior. Being told to get out of these relationships may not work for you. Knowing that you’re better than these relationships is a good place to start!

Remember:

Life is hard enough as it is without choosing someone difficult to share it with.
You deserve to be with a man who is nice to you all the time, in any type of situation. Just don’t forget to be nice to him in return.
Freaks should stay in the circus, not in your apartment.
By ditching your useless boyfriend, you’ll gain ample time and opportunity for meeting new people and doing things you really enjoy.
12. So what should you do now?

© lunaveer

But you may ask, “What if there isn’t going to be another serious romantic involvement in my life?“ We reply, ”Stow that bad-news cargo on the sure-to-sink ship. Because that ship is about to hit Sad Island and we don’t want you on it!”

WHAT YOUR NEW RESOLUTIONS SHOULD BE:

I will not go out with a man who hasn’t asked me out first.
I will not go out with a man who keeps me waiting by the phone.
I will not date a man who isn’t sure he wants to date me.
I will not date a man who makes me feel sexually undesirable.
I will not date a man who drinks or takes drugs to an extent that makes me uncomfortable.
I will not be with a man who’s afraid to talk about our future together.
I will not, under any circumstances, spend my precious time with a man who has already rejected me.
I will not date a married man.
I will avoid involvement with any man who is not clearly a good, kind, and loving person.

Your true happiness is just around the corner!